Quantity is No Substitute for Quality
So as many of you know, I teach Art Monday through Friday. It pretty much drains my brain and my body of everything (Summer? Can you hear me? I know you’re out there!). I’m not an early riser and I detest waking up before the sun is up as I find it obscene. But I manage to eek out some form of creativity and/or fun at least once a day, whether it be crochet, painting, graphic design, Facebook, Ravelry, Twitter, or just some monotonous tv viewing (I’m pretty obsessed with all things Bravo, hence my stomping grounds at the Ravelry group, “.”)
To that end, I haven’t been the best blogger…or pattern writer…or website owner. I try to fit it in when I have something of value to say. I’m a fan of quality over quantity. I run my classroom that way as well as my life.
But when I have something to say, I do take the time to write it out clearly and thoughtfully, and to include pictures when I can. I’m also one of those people who thinks before she writes, “yeah” instead of “yes” or “I dunno” instead of “I don’t know.” It’s in my perfectionist nature I suppose as well as a touch of the “old school” in me, you know, that voice inside your head that tells you to sit up straight because your mom said so.
However, I know my sarcastic, sometimes witty nature doesn’t usually transcend to my writing here. I think my humor is more spontaneous and in-the-moment when shooting quips back and forth with others. To that end, I’m sure I come off as dry when writing here. Guilty as charged. And I think that’s why I spend more time on forums than posting to my blog. More on that later…
Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission
The other end of that spectrum is that as a public school teacher, I have to live my life with a filter on. I’m held to a higher standard than the average citizen, which is not my choice. I’m considered a “public official.”Anything I say or do outside of work is apparently subject to scrutiny and can get me fired. It’s the reality of my job. And after seeing many news reports about all the dumb and trivial things teachers have been caught saying and doing online and off (No Tattoos please? Big Brother Anyone? Cruisin for trouble? And this one: fired for just having a Blog) and their subsequent, yet sometimes surprising dismissals or lawsuits is enough to keep me careful in what I say and do.
And then there are my students, many students in fact. At any given time, I have at least 700 of them (I’m imagining your eyes bulging out after reading that one). I need to be careful of how I represent myself online. I would be mortified if I had some student say to me, “Oh, I saw what you said the other day online…” Yeah, that would be a deal-breaker and cause problems in my working life and would generally fall in the “not cool” category. While I love the notion of “ask forgiveness, not permission,” it just doesn’t fit my lifestyle. And yes, I continue to explore other avenues which can afford me the freedoms I seek. I just haven’t crossed that horizon yet.
Anyone looking to hire someone for a creative field related to crochet and/or graphics? lol
If This Place Were An Airport…
So, that eliminates controversial topics. But how about ones that are more personal? It again goes back to what I said about students. I don’t ever want to show up to work and have to hear about my personal life from a student, a colleague, or worse, an administrator. UGH, noooo. And why? Because where I work we have about 100 people in faculty and staff who already spend all their free time gossiping about everyone. I don’t desire to be the focus of that kind of negative energy. I don’t “friend” coworkers on social networking sites for that very reason (with one exception and that’s because we were friends from a prior job and I’m careful what I say on her page because I know other co-workers are reading). Work is work, and everything else is my life. I’ve learned to compartmentalize. I don’t intend to apologize for it or change that behavior either.
I recognize this comes across as paranoia to some of you, and it is. I won’t work hard to hide that. I have to straddle a thin line every time I say anything online (this would be why I resisted joining Twitter from the get-go). I dislike how it implores and yet tragically curtails my truest, most honest thoughts on a lot of controversial topics in one foul swoop. Those of you who have met me in person and have had long conversations with me know that I’m not short of opinions! I’m just short of venues to express them without fear of retribution from the Day Job.
I equate my paranoia about sharing personal tidbits about myself to those knit and crochet designers who are careful not to post about their WIPS for yarn companies and the like. Secrecy comes with the territory. So then how does one share their self online without showing their whole “hand?”
Good question. I search for that answer every time I begin a post. The answer is as complex for me as the problem. I am, however, committed to finding a way to make it work, to “course correct” until I get it right.
But this is all about me (and I promise to deliver more this year, as I had promised when I made my New Year’s resolutions). Where are all the other crocheter bloggers? And why don’t they post?
More to come in my next post. I’m thinking this might be a 4-parter at this rate. I guess I have more to say about this topic than I thought.
And at the rate I’m going, I’m doing a better job of reading blogs than posting to mine about this lol.
So Amie, you’ve got some formidable reasons for discretion online. Teachers are still held to a different standard. You’ve reminded me that many crochet designers have non-yarnie day jobs.
OK ok so one way around this, which affects lots of people online besides crochet designers, is aliases. Yet, I can’t think of crocheters who need to get controversial stuff off of their chests who write under an alias; even if they’re not spilling contract design details.
When I look at it that way, I wonder if crocheters as a group tend to be mellow. All the crocheters I know are quite individualistic (eccentric even) with a surprising range of life experiences and POV’s, yet aren’t dying to let loose on a blog.
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Aliases work for those who also don’t have a side business like I do. My blog writing is an extension of my website, as sometimes I write about the designs I’m currently working on or ones I’ve published. And with that, my anonymity goes out the door.
The flip side of the coin is that I’d just prefer to have a job where I can be myself and not hide from how I am by nature. For me, that’s the root of the problem. It’s the only problem I’ve posed and don’t currently have a solution for. I’ve said in confidence to other people, in essence, that I can’t leave this job and get a much less paying job (even if it makes me happy) because I have bills to pay and my life is tied to someone else. Although I do admire those who have that mindset (or ability because a spouse has a high paying job that will sustain two people comfortably), I can’t take that leap right now.
I don’t see myself staying in this job until retirement, but I also can’t envision any steps beyond my current threshold right now. And that, for me, is daunting. Despite all this, I’m optimistic that something will come along, some job or career that will allow me to be me, be creative, utilize my skill set, and be one in which I’ll enjoy immensely. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’ll happen.