I just cleared out most of the designs in my design graveyard sitting on top of my light table here in the office. At first, I thought displaying everything here would help me try to make one of these designs come to fruition. But after having them stare me in the face for so long, they were hindering me, like a constant reminder of what didn’t work, of failures. It was holding me back.

Besides, all that lovely yarn was making too fabulous of a spot for Roxie to crash out on, further jeopardizing their existence.

But really, I feel like lately (where “lately” is a euphemism for “a long time now”) I’m just spinning my wheels trying to make things work, to make things perfect.

I’m a perfectionist. There. I said it.

I can’t help it (or maybe I can?). I don’t like to put my name on things that aren’t the best quality. I don’t like to expend the effort into something that from the get-go I don’t think will be the next best thing.

To that end, I’ve got a pile of designs in varying stages, even some as far as being laid out in Quark (graphics program that I use to put together the text and photos from a design) and not pulled the trigger on releasing it. I can’t tell you how many countless hours I’ve spent getting that far into the process only to pull it back. I shudder to think how, if all that time were added up, how much it would equal. Weeks? Months? It’s probably months upon months.

I’ve psyched myself out. And in putting this post together, I’ve chosen to call myself out for it publicly. Somewhere in my crazy head I believe I have to put it out there into the universe and let it go. Let go all the self-doubt, the anxiety, the trepidation, the “who’s gonna like that?” destructive script in my head. It hasn’t yielded anything positive for me.

And so today I frogged a few designs and put others away in cubbies out of immediate site. I’ve left two important projects up there, ones that I have the most enthusiasm and desire to finish, at the moment, ones I think have the best chance of being “born.”

I also ordered a fresh new round of yarn. I picked up some Rowan Panama, Prism Delicato, and Classic Elite Sanibel. Hoping I can make something really awesome and infuse some positive thinking with these yarns.

In the meantime, I’ve been hard at work on a stitch diagram for a scarf/wrap I’d like to make using one of these yarns. I’m trying a different design approach: start with making a stitch diagram in Illustrator, type the pattern out, and then create the item. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck. Or skill. I’d rather you wish me skill than luck!

Tags: Classic Elite Sanibel, Crochet, design, Prism Delicato, Rowan Panama, stitch diagram, yarn